Don't say we never told you.....

[bones]

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us



CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[bones]

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day
John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.



It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.
"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"said Tommy.
The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy,knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one!

You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

[bones]

Three Sydney guys were working on a high-rise building project - Bazza, Bruce and Kevin.


Unfortunately one day Bazza fell off a girder and was killed instantly.

As the ambulance took the body away Bruce asked 'Who's going to go and tell his Missus?'

Kev said, 'I can do that, I'm bloody cool at the sensitive stuff.'

A while later he returned to the site lugging a slab of Tooheys.

'Where'd you get that Kev?' asked Bruce.

'Bazza's wife gave it to me.'

'That's unbelievable! You told Bazza's old lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?'

'Well not exactly' said Kevin 'When she answered the door, I said to her 'You must be Bazza's widow?'

She said 'No, I'm not a widow.'

And I said 'I'll bet you a slab of Tooheys you are!'

[Aussie_Paul]

Where Would You Be?








WHERE WOULD YOU BE:

IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?

IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?

IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU

IF - YOUR BATH WATER HAD BEEN RUN?

IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS OR PETS?

IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU,

WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?






SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
















Well...... HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!




















YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG F#####G HOUSE!!!!



Aussie Paul. :)