Child services

[bones]

Has any one else had the pleasure of dealing with this mob of fu**ing government payed blood sucking oxygen thiefing ass fu*king holes??????

Seems my 12, yeah thats right fuc*ing 12 year old has taken it apon herself to tell them i been beating her, just so she can get treated like a little princess, and get a shit load of attention, and of course my ex is in on it like a fu*king rash, so now she decided this arvo to not come home and the CSS mob think that is great, so i just got to sit back and cop it sweet, i cant even go and find her and drag here home, cause that would be hurting her :Bat1:.
Well this big wonderful world is going to be her new home now, she is free spirit, so i guess they be packing her up to send her off to her drugo mother, so this should work out just fine in the long run for her.:censored:, there is not a fu*king thing i can do about the whole situation.

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS FUC*KED.:Bat1::Bat1::Bat1:

[Graeme]

Been there mate. You have my admiration and sympathy.
There is very little you can do, just hope your kids get through it and grow up.

Graeme.

[Fencing Wire]

G'day Mark,
Yer've taken the first step towards the "house of giggles". You can't win (by fighting fair, that is). Wot these drop-kicks at CSS don't understand (though) is reverse psychology.

If you are very, very sure of your ground, tackle it through the media. The current affairs programs absolutley love this crap. Make sure your "intention" is not to get the kid back. Make sure your "intention" is to ensure the kid's well being. Then get the media to follow up on the success (or otherwise) of the move (even to the extent of approving of the move, provided the kid is better off). If you make it a pissing contest, you'll lose. If it was just the kid's intention to get attention, she'll lose. The pressure will be on her and Childrens Services to "do good". My suspicion is that she'll be home with her tail between her legs in very short order. The pressure on her and CSS to perform under media scrutiny will be far greater than any pressure she perceived at home.

But first, get a real strong torch and look in your closets to make sure there's not skeletons hanging about.

Cheers
Fred
PS. the usual disclaimers, but several kids (the youngest 30) and all eventually turned into useful citizens usually means a little bit of experience gained along the way. One day when you've got 4 or 5 days to spare, I can fill you in on a little bit of it.

[niquenaque]

Bones,

You have my deepest sympathies, I would like to chat with you as well about this issue as I am going through near the same sort of shit, only my daughter has a brain of her own which, thankfully, is not synchronised with her mothers, nor grandmothers. She is 17 so it isn't as bad for me as it is for you. My son is 15, he has a brain as well and with information can see what is happening, I always ask her/him enough questions that lead to a deduction based on evidence both have seen to let them confirm for themselves that I am a straight shooter, children hate being lied to as well.

Be aware that **you are being provoked**, quite deliberately, this is part of the CSS intent in 'breaking you' like they would kick a mongerel dog into submission. As I've been told the CSS is a haven for what are referred to as 'Hairy Legged Lesbians', the type of woman that a man wouldn't feed on dried shlt, snot, or semen, no, it would be a huge waste of either excrement......

Don't let it excite you, no matter how much you would like to kill them, it just does not work that way. You have to point out to them in a droll fashion the realities of what **they** are exposing your daughter to, remember - she is being programmed and does not have the where-with-all to know that this is what is happening to her, she has no idea and no experience so she is blameless and will not know of her mistake until your ex leaves her exposed to a danger of being raped by one of your ex's suitors, and this is a high risk issue with daughters of divorced women, divorced women - they are so desperate, stupid and so easy, white trash - nearly all of them.

'Abuse' these days can be defined along the lines of what ever the interviewer prompts the alleged 'beater' could have done, and this includes the denial of access to money in your bank account in a relationship due to economic circumstance, it includes 'dirty looks', shouting or anything which may be construed to be a variation on an Elliot Goblet impersonation [the bloke who speaks in a low monotone and expressionless voice - I suggest you learn how to speak like that, no matter what!!]

Report your daughter as missing, if you are reading this now and she is not home and you don't know where she is, go to the police, do it now and I mean now - just drop everything and go report her as missing to the police, I am so f'ing not kidding you, you must do this. URGENT ACTION IS REQUIRED!!!!!!!! Whether or not you do will be interpreted in part as an abandonment of sorts as she is at risk when neither of her parents have her 'In locum parentis', ie, parent in charge. Do not let this ride! Tell the police that you suspect she has either gone to her Mother's place or is wandering the streets and you don't know where to find her. At the very least you will have been seen to have done something, if CSS took her report her as kidnapped, I'm serious. If you don't you could end up only being able to see her under supervised visits, if this comes to pass you must preserve yourself from this indignity, these f'wits will just be making you jump through hoops to justify their existence. Ring me for a handling procedure in this event. [Taming horses]

Ring me on 0418811953 if you need to talk, we all do to get a different perspective and ideas on how to deal with this cr-p and you're copping the rough end of the pineapple by the sounds of it, there is no end of help when you speak with as many blokes as you can to get all the possible insights you can, network yourself, use the same tools women do to fock their men around and we men jointly will return the serve with both barrels and with double interest. Your mother can help, your father can help, your brothers can help, your sisters can help, all your mates can help, anyone on the forum can help, even if just the little of nuances of an idea, just a moment of good will for you, a prayer from Brian even, all these things help, and they help you, don't operate alone because it is easy for all of us to bear but hard for a bloke to bear on his own.

If you've been a closed book to your kids about what is going on between you and your ex, don't be, let the kids know absolutely f'ing everything, if you've been straight or crooked explain why in either event and let them know your *true* version - the facts, if you don't they will be operating in the dark and will be tainted by your wife's version of the story, and she willllllll tell them. Your counter to this is to keep the kids informed of your position, no matter what, they are not silly and will see the truth when it comes to light. If your wife is a druggie she will slip up, have no doubt, it won't take long before your kids are back so be patient, tell your kids - "You'll be back to me, when you are I will keep you safe and care for you".

Hope this helps,

Nick.

[gbw]

"Your counter to this is to keep the kids informed of your position, no matter what, they are not silly and will see the truth when it comes to light."

Bones,

Nick unfortunately has given good advice.

Agree with the above, but do not run down the ex. A child does not want to hear their parent is a low down dog sucking skunk. Gets you nowhere and confuses kid. Just say the facts.

If your ex has been to a womens shelter she will have been taught all sorts of dirty tricks. If you react angrily, you are a violent man and should not see your kids. Thats what they want. Be like a duck on water. Cool on the surface, even though your feet are paddling like crazy underneath

Be pro active. Get rid of Playboy mags. Hand over guns to police (or gunclub) for safekeeping. Report her missing, or ask advice from police. They see this scenario all the time. They know its a setup, but must obey the book.

Its worth seeing a shrink. Mine was very helpful. Settled me, and suggested things to do. ( I lucked out, he advised the army on battle skirmishes). Bloke I know who beat the system went to shrink with his daughter a number of times. A shrink will help you get on track with your kid, and looks good in court.

Be prepared for police to turn up with restraining orders, and a time in court. These must be fought. Basically you stand up and say "Prove it"

Start a diary. Its a pain in the ass, but note things said and times. This will be believed over anything you say.

Make sure the kid knows you love her. Very easy to be angry and push them away.

I am on 03 97622858 if you need a chat.

I was accused of sexually molesting my two year old son. That annoyed me. I eventually got a written retraction.

I know how you feel, a quagmire of mixed emotions.

Hope all goes well

Graham

[bones]

Ok well yesterday was the big day for last week any way, The CSS came up and interveiwed us all in front of the police, at the cop shop, all was well, they had a very different attitude then on the phone last i spoke to them, told them the full story and a couple of other things, even my ex's mother got on the phone to them and told them what she thought of the whole situation.
Then bugger me dead as we were walking out of the cop shop one of the young police lead us out the front making it look like he was be polite, then once out front produced a piece of paper with the part of the violence act, that clearly stated that we have every right to punish and smack children as long as it does not cause phisical harm to them, like he said he used to get the handle of the feather duster and strap all the time and his father was a cop, and the bit that made us all laugh was he said his father used to make them read the act out loud before he started to deal out the punishment.

The girl put on another turn at end of school but she came home and of course every thing is fine, just need to get around to talking to her about stuff now.

Thank for the advise above i just needed to vent abit, and yes i did use bits and pieces of the above. cheers guys. :cheers:

[rotor]

Nothing like a bit of parent abuse is there :( ...... seems we're everyones target ;)

[marko66]

Hi Bones

I like happy endings mate - good stuff :)

Regards Mark

[niquenaque]

Bones:

"we were walking out of the cop shop one of the young police lead us out the front"

You've struck GOLD!! You are sooooooo lucky that you have one of these types of Police persons on your side. If ever you have a problem make it your first and only priority to single out this officer to tell of your issues if you feel the slightest, and I mean 'slightest' or even a 'nuance' of a need for the police to be involved, insist on it. In giving you this advice he is signalling a willingness to help you by giving you information on where to draw the line as far as discipline is concerned, I admire that in all its colours, because there are very few people who will let you know where the line in the sand is before you step over it. I must warn you to avoid totally and at all costs speaking with a female constable about such problems, you never know what you will get, no aspersions, it's just that a bloke will have a better appreciation of *your* situation and he is more likely to be more considerate of your position, most likely he's seen a few unfortunate men neck themselves and is mindful of it.... coppers hate paper work.

As to discipline of children and corporal punishment I will give you this advice - never, ever, ever hit them unless you have warned them three times in no uncertain terms of the outcome, if you feel you have to strike them you lose, no matter what. I did this when my kids were less than six and have not had to raise a hand nor voice against them, ever. They are happy to be pulled up by a few stern words. Play games with them, introduce them to the staring game when you ask them to try out-stare you in a game, it is good for bonding and respect. No tricks - by you to win in any way - just stare. All my disciplinary warnings are prefaced with the intent behind them, eg, "I am asking you not to cross the road without looking first because if you cross without looking a Mack Truck will make a pan-cake out of you and it will hurt more than 10,000 bees stinging you at once.."

Funny - one day my younger brother rang me up in desperation - his son was being a right little shlt at school and needed sorting out, the best place to do it is in their imaginations.... I rang back, my name was Mr Griffin, from the Naughty Boys Home, I asked personally for the son, introduced myself as such and spoke with a plum in my mouth and some cotton balls stuffed up my nose - deep, dark and manacing, he couldn't have picked my voice if he tried. I offered to take him away from school and take him in to the 'home', where all manner of nasty things would happen to him, I asked if he knew what those things were.. there were a few long pauses to say the least. My brother rang me on his mobile a few hours later near crying from laughing his ring out, the kid had near shlt himself after my call. my bro told me he didn't have any more trouble of the same kind with his son and I made damn sure by ringing his son at random to offer to take him in if ever he considered being naughty again... maybe you need such a brother to help, be happy to do so but you must have a planned outcome.

If you want to talk to your daughter the best place to do it is when you are with her in a car going somewhere, it's a trick one of my wife's female friends uses when she needs to talk to her son... they can't get away. The nature of your discussion should only ever be deductive questioning. No doubt you know how but just in case you want my definition of it as it may differ from yours, you never make a statement... you ask questions in a way that gives only one logical 'best' answer and which in the end leads your respondent to a particular answer, only that answer in total and absolute terms must be the truth and nothing else. If it is a truth you are not pleased with then you must say so, again, children hate being lied to, more vehemently in the long run than any adult would, because they don't have enough experience to see the motive behind any lies at all, their world is still black and white, not yet shades of grey. If you have an issue that makes you cranky don't bristle with anger, make it known but not roaringly obvious, merely say that it makes you cranky and explain why it makes you cranky, the information if not immediately useful to your children now will be useful later, as they will learn how to avoid causing you stress, explain that you want a happy life too and that you deserve it just as much as they do, children can be altruistic, in fact they are more likely to be so as emotions for them have no cost and your happiness will feed off theirs as equally as theirs will from yours. When you have a problem with them tell them you want them to succeed, to be happy, but you think that when they did [insert undesirable behaviour here] then it will affect how well they will be regarded by [insert important people here] and they will suffer [insert unfavourable outcomes here] and that you would like to guard them against [insert unfavourable outcomes here] by telling them so.

Please! Consider putting your children on an incentive scheme for good results, I did and it worked like a charm. My son is pulling 90 to 100% in all his academia, my daughter 80++% as well. How? I told both of them if they get better than 80% in any test or assignment they get $25, if they do better than 90% they get $50, if they get 100% they get $100. It is conditional on proof of paper - they must show you the marks or must have their mark verified by their examiner to you directly, I've been cleaned up on this one more often than I ever thought I would, and it is f'ing good that it is so. In this way you achieve two things, you become a reward and a motivator, and they do well at school or any other thing they are examined on, for you a 'Bonesus' - excuse the pun. You might consider $10.00 for 70% plus if your daughter is struggling at present. The prize *must* be CASH which they can spend *how ever they please*, just hand it over with a smile and congratulate them for doing so. Do this [keep a log of it] and you will win your kids over, they will be clever to boot and will learn quickly how to function in this society which rewards intelligence with cash.

If GBW has anything to say heed his advice, I did and the faecal material missed the rotary oscilator... well done I say, solid advice much better and far less a cost than any solicitor and so much more sound in my opinion. I owe him a triple if he would be so kind as to forward his address for presentation of such goods... give it to me GBW!

Lastly - Have a look at [ http://www.acfc.org/site/PageServer ] to get some ideas of what can happen down the path you are presented with, it is f'ing scarey but better to expect the worst, plan for the worst and suffer the least.

Ring me if you need even a nuance of advice - number is in prior post or stick it in your mobile - always pleased to help, as I am sure is everyone else here.

Cheers,

Nick.

[gbw]

"You've struck GOLD!!"

I agree with Nick.

Bones, blokes do not talk about this kind of stuff. Good on you for having the guts to ask help. Amazing how things start to fall into place when you spill it.

About 50% marriages fall over, so many are in the same position, and feel they are unique. No money for lawyers and hangers on if there are no divorces. As you have nipped this in the bud, you have saved much heart ache and dollars.

Nicks advice is first class. He is a fast learner, all I did was alert him to the corruption of the system. There is a book by Stephen Baskerville on the page he pointed to. It cost me about $30 landed and is well worth a read.

It shows exactly what is happening. It is scary stuff. A lawyer said to me, if you want justice, get a 12 guage.

Funny thing, I wrote a submission to the senate enquiry on family matters (called Every Picture tells a story) and was invited to make a verbal submission. Both were heard in Camera (out of sight). All those who made written or verbal submissions were acknowledged in the report. Except me.

I do have letters and the report, saying thankyou.

All very shonky.

Give the kid the attention she craves, but stay the boss.

Graham

[Gyrodes]

Well stated coments by all here.
One only has to remember to give your children quality time and attention and respect to the total exclusion of others when this time means most to the child. The hardest part is the recognition of this time. I am fortunate to have the respect of both of my young adaults, both in their mid to later 20's.
One of the questions I always asked my self was "What did I do at that age in life and how would I have prefered to be treated or spoken to then." This answer can save one sooooooo many clashes and heart pains.
I have observed on many occasions that the child will try to act like the parents, so your example is what sets the stage play of the child.
Is physical punishment an option? Only when all else fails and never ever in anger.
It is very sad that most people never realise that a child is what we have made them by our own actions.
Bonesy, thanks for having the gutz to ask for help. You may have just helped someone else somewhere to strike gold like you have. May you have more peace and reward with your family.
Another Mate, Des Garvin

[gbw]

Hmm, funny this. My email notified me of a reply from dg2829 but not on forum

"Hmm, been there and done that with my first Fxxxxxxx wife, tried to pull a stunt the them they found no cause so then my ex decided to drag it trough court cost me 3K I had to suponeathe records from them (Child Serives) just so that I get it tossed out in fact on the court day it did not even get to the family court magistrate, when he turned 12 he told he did not want to come around anymore (I think mother really pushed him on this point as he used say did not want to go home when he was with me) however I accepted it have not seen him now for over 3 years, it cost me a $250K over the first 10 years of his life to to maintain access what a waste of money that was. Now I just have to pay maintenance at least thats cheaper the the court cases she dragged me through. I just had to give up or it would have destroyed me and my second marriage completely.

BTW actually you have more rights than you think. You just have to play the system the right way. I'm not sure of your full story
so I can't suggest anything and really the forums are not the place for it anyway."

He says forum not the place. There are better places to get help, but most important that blokes know what is happening and their situation is not unique. Family Court farce is buggering up this country.

It is vital to fight the opening moves, those stunts. Basically you go to court and say "prove it"

" when he turned 12 he told he did not want to come around anymore "
Par for the course. Kids do not want to be in battle. And PAS (parental alienation syndrome) . This is the same as the reason kids want to go to MacDonalds. Tell them how great the burgers are often enough, and they believe it.

Graham

And you can fight the CSA, with help. Every month I get a bill from CSA for $6000. I will probably get it for the rest of my life. But they will not take me to court, because it is not legal.